April 2010
15 posts
Unfortunately I have no waffles.
I want to be like the guy in the Fiber One commercials.
HOLYCRAPAUSTINIHEARDTHEMAJORTOMTHINGSONGONTHETELEVISIONANDITWASGREATILOVEDEVERYSECONDOFITYOUWERERIGHTITMODDEDMYLIFEIMSOPSYCHEDMANHAVENTSLEPT
I suck at Tetris.
Quick thought - even if I am crazy, I now know I’m crazy. Knowing is half the battle. However, now that I’ve allowed myself the knowledge
Oh, how I do dearly love stabbing stomach pains.
Heh, TV commercials. Banjo music and a ‘blueberry farm in your backyard.’
Just saw an ad for The Weather Channel and got excited. Um.
Subway commercial = thinly veiled racist joke.
Take antibiotics to get healthy. Take probiotics to stay healthy. I don’t get it.
I don’t like this.
February 2009
142 posts
what
Dude! Look! That guy’s head exploded! What the heck is his problem? Anyways, I have a chain letter to share with you today. AH-HEM. “Once upon a time, there was an Asian monkey named Robbie. He liked golf and platinum wristwatches. But you see, he also had a severe problem. He liked killing people in insane evil torturous ways.” Now I’m tired of typing. But not of giving...
With his final breath, Bob declared that all of his estates across the kingdom of Sesso now belonged to his old friend, John. John was sad..
”But, Bob! What will I do without you? No! Not so soon! Please, oh God, please no! Why? WHY? PLEASE! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Greatly saddened by his loss, John continued to travel through the Eastern Provinces alone and on foot, for his trusty frog had died before.
You see, Bob was struck by mastadon shit half way through the expedition. It weighed 34797967703589 pounds, and broke his face. Last wish???
We find our young adventurer pals as they traverse the rocky terrain just outside of the local tavern. John was just saying how cold it is..
You know what? There comes a time in every young man’s life in which he yearns to write an epic mini series on his Twitter. My time is here!
Later, John came upon a barbaric tribe of nomadic cows that beated him all the way up and stole his lunch money, then caught him on fire, k?
John said, “Damn, it sure is cold. Hey, Bob, wanna go grab me a beer?” Bob said, “Nah, fuck that. Beer is for pussies, John. Pussies! Kay?”
So, John and Bob decided to move to the eastern territories to see if they could find some cattle rustlers and/or starship captains. No luck
So, then it started to rain on John’s dead face fire thingymajigger, alright? So, the fire went out. And he continued walking, but Westly…
In the west, John discovered that he could DANCE LIKE HELL. He showed all those stupid stinky American fishmongers, didn’t he now? Yes, very
Fish smells like shit when combined with wet face, by the way. So, the American brutes murdered John in a fit of spite. Mean crapheads, yep.
I think…. um… nah, never mind, it was kinda really inappropriate, not saying that metal condoms and lesbian sex weren’t though. Oh well.
Twitter seems to work fine on the Android operating system, I am happy to report… very cool. Food porn? WHAT? I need to see this shit, man
Apparently, chicks can get other chicks pregnant, but only if they’re fat/slim, and are drunk. I think. Seriously, it might be.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Wondering if drunk sex is really as fun as my friends tell me it is. I wonder. Hey… wanna come over and play with me? All times of day…!
Oh, wow. Did you know that you can make frogs float if you have a super strong magnet? It’s true. I feel sorry for the froggy. It must hurt.
Wot wot wot wot wot. Wot. Wot the wot would wot wot if wot wot wot? Censorship is wot. Free speech is good. DOWN WITH WOT! Nah, screw that..
Making some needlessly pretty colours that nobody will ever look at. Too bad. It was pretty god damn awesome, for real. You want? Message me
Holy crap, up until now, I never realized just how squishy pudding can get, and how bad spoiled milk can smell. Moral? Don’t leave milk out.
Dude. Babies are so fucking cute. Except the oddly melted ones that taste like… like chicken, yes? Yes, very much like chicken. I like kid
I’m writing a few pages for my upcoming book that will never be reproduced and will stay in the hands of a friend for eternity eventually…
Thinking about bread, it’s texture, it’s taste, it’s consistency. Bread can be made many different ways. I love bread so much, just had some
http://tr.im/f61g - that article kinda made me go, what the fuck? Unclog a toilet with your bare hands? Seriously, it’s just a kid. Oh my…
How does this make you feel? It makes me very, very, VERY depressed as to the state of our economy today. The fart tax is suicide, friends.
Speaking of suicide and death, my friend Corey Fromille apparently died. Now, I know you can’t trust the Internet, but… well… honor him.
HONOR HIM, YOU FUCKING DOUCHE! DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DOO please. I will not hug you, or I will, either way, yeah. I love cake a lot!
Farmers will not be able to pay this fine. They will sell cows. Nobody buys because of tax. Cows die. No more dairy products for me or you!!
Now do you truly understand what is wrong? Cheese is no longer our friend, even though it comes out of a cow! Cows are our friends sometimes
So, you can easily see my dilema. To eat or not to eat, that is the question. These yellow flakes may end my life faster than I can blink!!!
Are you an avid cake addict? If not, you’re missing out on a fantastic experience! Seriously, try cake today! It will make you a man/woman!!
Of course, cows often do unexpected things, like trample civillians and eat hamburgers. That is one of their shining points! Yay for mayhem!
But what if I told you that the cow is in danger? Its true, my fickle friends. The fart tax will impose a heavy tax on cows… do not want!!